Sue Scheff- Holiday Gift Ideas for Teens

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Sue Scheff: Parenting Troubled Teens

It stems back to “children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions.” Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today’s world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, peer pressure, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today’s life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can’t understand it; be there for them.This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment. We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it.

Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; Parents’ Universal Resource Experts is here for you, as we have been where you are today.

Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/.

Parents Universal Resource Experts- Sue Scheff - Teen Entitlement

Does your teen have Entitlement Issues?

Does your teen expect more from you than they have earned or deserve?

Many parents only want the best for their children (usually more than they had growing up), but has this actually backfired on families?

In today’s society many teens have major entitlement issues. Many parents feel that giving their teen’s material items will somehow earn them respect. Quite frankly, the opposite occurs in most families. The more we give, the more our children expect and the less they respect us. We literally lose ourselves in buying our children’s love. At the end of the day, no one wins and life is a constant battle of anger, hopelessness, and debt.

While interviewing a young teen, she was recently given a new car – brand new – felt she deserved it since her parents gave her two used ones previously. She is only 17 years old and already controlling her household and believes she was entitled to this car. She shows no appreciation or respect to her parents. Simply, she deserved it. Can you imagine owning 3 cars by the age of 17, yet never buying one? This is an extreme example, but I am sure many parents can relate.

Entitlement issues can lead to serious problems. Teaching your child respect and responsibility should be priority. Although the issues may have started to escalate, as a parent, it is never too late to take control of the situation and say “no” when your teen feels they are entitled to a frivolous item or anything that is considered a privilege.

Life is about responsibility, as parents we need to teach our children responsibility – helping our children comes natural to us, however when it becomes excessive and the child doesn’t appreciate it, it is time to step back and evaluate your situation.


Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com.

Sue Scheff: Teen Depression

Teenage depression is more than just bad moods or broken hearts; it is a very serious clinical illness that will affect approximately 20% of teens before they reach adulthood. Left untreated, depression can lead to difficult home situations, problems at school, drug abuse, and worse, violence toward themselves and others.

Certain young teens suffer from depression as result of situations surrounding their social or family life, but many are succeptable to the disease regardless of race, gender, income level or education. It is very important for parents to keep a watch on their teens - and to maintain a strong level of communication. Understanding the causes and warning signs of the illness can help parents prevent their teens from falling in to depression.
Learn more here.

Sue Scheff: Learn from My Mistakes (Teen Help)

Are you considering any of the following programs for your child? Take a moment to read my experiences - http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ as well as my book where you can hear my daughter's experiences for the first time - order today at http://www.witsendbook.com/ .

Choosing a program is not only a huge emotional decision, it is a major financial decision - do your homework! Learn from my mistakes - Gain from my knowledge!

Academy of Ivy Ridge, NY (withdrew their affiliation with WWASPS)
Ally Schools - Marketing Arm - Jane Hawley
Canyon View Park, MT
Camas Ranch, MT
Carolina Springs Academy, SC
Cross Creek Programs, UT (Cross Creek Center and Cross Creek Manor)
Darrington Academy, GA
Help My Teen, UT (Adolescent Services Adolescent Placement) Promotes and markets these programs.
Gulf Coast Academy, MS
Horizon Academy, NV
Lisa Irvin (Helpmyteen)
Lifelines Family Services, UT (Promotes and markets these programs) Jane Hawley
Mark Peterson - Teen Help Marketing Arm
Majestic Ranch, UT
Midwest Academy, IA (Brian Viafanua, formerly the Director of Paradise Cove as shown on Primetime, is the current Director here)
Parent Teen Guide (Promotes and markets these programs)
Pillars of Hope, Costa Rica
Pine View Christian Academy (Borders FL, AL, MS)
Reality Trek, UT
Red River Academy, LA (Borders TX)
Respect Academy, NV
Royal Gorge Academy, CO (recently closed)
Spring Creek Lodge, MT
Teen Help, UT (Promotes and markets these programs)
Teens In Crisis
Tranquility Bay, Jamaica
Alert - rumor is that a new program is Mexico is opening soon.
ALERT - It is also rumored that there is a short-term program in or near Oceanside, CA - which may be connected with this organization.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.

Sue Scheff: Many learning and behavior problems begin in your grocery cart

Source: The Feingold Program

Numerous studies show that certain synthetic food additives can have serious learning, behavior, and/or health effects for sensitive people.

The Feingold Program (also known as the Feingold Diet) is a test to determine if certain foods or food additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people used to eat before "hyperactivity" and "ADHD" became household words, and before asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is the term currently used to describe a cluster of symptoms typical of the child (or adult) who has excessive activity or difficulty focusing. Some of the names that have been used in the past include: Minimal Brain Damage, Minimal Brain Dysfunction (MBD), Hyperkinesis, Learning Disability, H-LD (Hyperkinesis/Learning Disability), Hyperactivity, Attention Deficit Disorder, ADD With or Without Hyperactivity.

In addition to ADHD, many children and adults also exhibit one or more other problems which may include: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), Bi-polar Disorder, Depression, Tourette Syndrome (TS), and Developmental Delays. These people often have food or environmental allergies. Many have a history of one or more of these physical problems: ear infections, asthma, sinus problems, bedwetting, bowel disorders, headaches/migraines, stomachaches, skin disorders, sensory deficits (extreme sensitivity to noise, lights, touch), vision deficits (the left and right eyes do not work well together, sometimes nystagmus).

While all the above symptoms might be helped by the Feingold Program, generally the characteristic that responds most readily is behavior. Although the symptoms differ from one person to another, the one characteristic that seems to apply to all chemically-sensitive people is that they get upset too easily.

Whether the person is 3-years-old or 33, they have a short fuse.

Dr. Feingold began his work on linking diet with behavior back in the 1960's. He soon saw that the conventional wisdom about this condition was not accurate. At that time most doctors believed that children outgrew hyperactivity, that only one child in a family would be hyperactive, and that girls were seldom affected. Parents using the Feingold Diet also saw that these beliefs were not accurate. Years later, the medical community revised their beliefs, as well.
Another change in the medical community has been the increased use of medicine to address ADHD. In the 1960's and 1970's medicine was used with restraint, generally discontinued after a few years, and never prescribed to very young children. If there was a history of tics or other neurological disorders in a family member, a child would not be give stimulant drugs.

The Feingold Association does not oppose the use of medicine, but believes that practitioners should first look for the cause(s) of the problems, rather than only address the symptoms. For example, ADHD can be the result of exposure to lead or other heavy metals; in such a case, the logical treatment would be to remove the lead, arsenic, etc.

The Feingold Association believes that patients have a right to be given complete, accurate information on all of the options available in the treatment of ADHD as well as other conditions. Sometimes, the best results come from a combination of treatments.

This might include using the Feingold Diet plus allergy treatments, or plus nutritional supplements, or plus a gluten-free/casein-free diet, or even Feingold + ADHD medicine. We believe that it's useful to start with the Feingold Diet since it is fairly easy to use, not expensive, and because removing certain synthetic additives is a good idea for anyone.

Used originally as a diet for allergies, improvement in behavior and attention was first noticed as a "side effect." It is a reasonable first step to take before (or with if already begun) drug treatment for any of the symptoms listed on the Symptoms page.

The Feingold Program eliminates these additives:
Artificial (synthetic) coloring
Artificial (synthetic) flavoring
Aspartame (Nutrasweet, an artificial sweetener)

Artificial (synthetic) preservatives BHA, BHT, TBHQ

In the beginning (Stage One) of the Feingold Program, aspirin and some foods containing salicylate (Suh-LIH-Suh-Late) are eliminated. Salicylate is a group of chemicals related to aspirin. There are several kinds of salicylate, which plants make as a natural pesticide to protect themselves. Those that are eliminated are listed in the salicylate list which is included also in the Program Handbook. Most people can eventually tolerate at least some of these salicylates.

You will notice this dietary program is often referred to as a program because fragrances and non-food items which contain the chemicals listed above are also eliminated.
Where do food dyes come from?

Those pretty colors that make the "fruit punch" red, the gelatin green and the oatmeal blue are made from petroleum (crude oil) which is also the source for gasoline.

You will find them on the ingredient labels, listed as "Yellow No. 5," "Red 40," "Blue #1," etc. The label may say "FD&C" before the number. That means "Food, Drug & Cosmetics." When you see a number listed as "D&C" in a product, such as "D&C Red #33" it means that this coloring is considered safe for medicine (drugs) and cosmetics, but not for food. See more about colorings.

What are artificial flavorings?

They are combinations of many chemicals, both natural and synthetic. An artificial flavoring may be composed of hundreds of separate chemicals, and there is no restriction on what a company can use to flavor food.

One source for imitation vanilla flavoring (called "vanillin") is the waste product of paper mills. Some companies built factories next to the pulp mills to turn the undesirable by-product into imitation flavoring, widely used in many cookies, candies and other foods. See more about food dyes and flavorings.

What are BHA, BHT and TBHQ?

Those initials stand for three major preservatives found in many foods, especially in the United States. Like the dyes, they are made from petroleum (crude oil). Often, they are not listed in the ingredients.

These chemicals may be listed as "anti-oxidants" because they prevent the fats in foods from "oxidizing" or becoming rancid (spoiling). There are many natural, beneficial anti-oxidants, but they are much more expensive than the synthetic versions.

There are other undesirable food additives (MSG, sodium benzoate, nitrites, sulfites, to name a few) but most of the additives used in foods have not been found to be as big a problem as those listed above. See more about these preservatives.
Food additives are not new.

Artificial colors have been around for more than 100 years. (Originally they were made from coal tar oil.) And children have been eating artificially colored and flavored products for decades.
But then . . . most children ate these additives infrequently. They got an occasional lollipop from the bank or barber shop. Cotton candy was found at the circus. Jelly beans were given at Easter, orange cupcakes at Halloween and candy canes at Christmas.

Today . . . the typical child growing up in the United States is exposed to these powerful chemicals all day, every day.

Sue Scheff: Keeping Teens from Cheating

Source: Connect with Kids

“You see it everywhere, you see it on the websites, all of these paper mills - places where you can buy papers, [there are] a variety of ways you can cheat, huge variety of ways. [And many teens think] ‘Well, if it’s so widespread, how could it be so wrong?’”

– Hal Thorsrud, Ph.D, assistant professor of philosophy, Agnes Scott College

“Hi YouTube, it’s me Kiki,” says a young teenage girl staring into her web camera. “Today I’m going to show you guys how to cheat on a test … the effective way.”

This video on YouTube, that had over 100,000 hits in the first week after it was posted, is a tutorial for cheating.

“I know it’s not a good thing to cheat,” Kiki continues, “it’s like academic dishonesty blah, blah, blah … but you know, everyone, I think everyone has at least done it once.”

Kids know cheating is wrong, but still they do it. Why?

“Sometimes the teacher doesn’t give us enough time on our work and we run out of time,” says one girl, “and we have no where else to go.”

“Students do it because they, like, don’t really care and they just want to get it done,” says another girl, “so they can go play and stuff.”

17-year-old Pat Foster says he cheated on a class assignment. “It was almost like second nature,” he says. “Not that I do it all the time, but you got to get it done. You don’t want to get a bad grade, you’re missing a couple of answers - here, scribble it down real quick.”

The problem was his teacher saw the whole thing.

“She looked down at my papers and asked me what I was doing. I looked up - I mean, I knew I was caught.”

He got detention, a one-day suspension and a zero on the assignment.

Did he learn a valuable lesson?

“You kind of learn to work the system,” Pat says. “Basically, by the time you’re a sophomore or junior you know the system and how to get around it. I mean, I know - I do try and do my homework. But if I’m going to cheat – quote-unquote cheat - I’ll do that before I get into class, instead of sitting right there in class where it’s very noticeable.”

Experts say parents need to teach their children that grades are simply one measure of learning – and that a good grade means nothing if you cheated.

“You’re ignoring that fact that you’re not really achieving anything,” says Hal Thorsrud, an assistant professor of philosophy. “It’s not an achievement to get a paper off of an Internet website. So, the best, I suppose the best way to confront the plagiarism problem in the long run is to really focus on the value of education. Just remove the desire to cheat, because you’re not going to remove the means.”

12-year-old Jessica Maledy says her parents have taught her the difference. “I think that you cheat yourself and you cheat everyone else when you cheat,” she says. “You’re using someone else’s credit, so you cheat both that person and yourself - cause it’s not your own work.”

Back in her bedroom, looking into her webcam, Kiki acknowledges that what she’s posting online is probably wrong and may get her in some trouble, “Hopefully my teachers do not see this video, cause that would be very awkward.”

Tips for Parents

A recent edition of the “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth,” a comprehensive national survey on the ethics of young people administered by The Josephson Institute of Ethics showed the following concerning high school students:

Nearly two-thirds (71 percent) admit they cheated on an exam at least once in the past 12 months (45 percent said they did so two or more times)
Almost all (92 percent) lied to their parents in the past 12 months (79 percent said they did so two or more times)
Over two-thirds (78 percent) lied to a teacher (58 percent two or more times)
Over one-quarter (27 percent) said they would lie to get a job

Forty percent of males and 30 percent of females say they stole something from a store in the past 12 months

These statistics seem to be indicative of a drift away from the morals and values that parents traditionally associate with society in the United States. In the press release accompanying the preliminary result of the survey, Michael Josephson, founder and president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and CHARACTER COUNTS!, called on politicians to recognize the vital importance of dealing with “shocking levels of moral illiteracy” as part of any educational reform package. Saying the survey data reveals “a hole in the moral ozone,” Josephson added: “Being sure children can read is certainly essential, but it is no less important that we deal with the alarming rate of cheating, lying and violence that threatens the very fabric of our society.”

When discussing issues of morality and values, how can a parent illustrate what it means to be a person of character? The Center for the 4th and 5th R’s provides the following examples of characteristics of an individual with a positive character. For example, a person of character …
Is trustworthy:

Honesty – Tell the truth. Be sincere. Don’t deceive, mislead or be devious or tricky. Don’t betray a trust. Don’t withhold important information in relationships of trust. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat.
Integrity – Stand up for your beliefs about right and wrong. Be your best self. Resist social pressures to do things you think are wrong. Walk your talk. Show commitment, courage and self-discipline.

Promise-keeping – Keep your word. Honor your commitments. Pay your debts. Return what you borrow.

Loyalty – Stand by, support, and protect your family, friends, employers, community and country. Don’t talk behind people’s backs, spread rumors, or engage in harmful gossip. Don’t violate other ethical principles to keep or win a friendship or gain approval. Don’t ask a friend to do something wrong.

Treats all people with respect:

Respect – Be courteous and polite. Judge all people on their merits. Be tolerant, appreciative and accepting of individual differences. Don’t abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Don’t use, manipulate, exploit or take advantage of others. Respect the right of individuals to make decisions about their own lives.
Acts responsibly:

Accountability – Think before you act. Consider the possible consequences on all people affected by actions. Think for the long-term. Be reliable. Be accountable. Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame others for your mistakes or take credit for others’ achievements. Set a good example for those who look up to you.

Pursue excellence – Do your best with what you have. Keep trying. Don’t quit or give up easily. Be diligent and industrious.

Self-control – Exercise self-control. Be disciplined.

Is fair and just:

Fairness – Treat all people fairly. Be open-minded. Listen to others and try to understand what they are saying and feeling. Make decisions which affect others only on appropriate considerations. Don’t take unfair advantage of others’ mistakes. Don’t take more than your fair share.

Is caring:

Caring and kindness – Show you care about others through kindness, caring, sharing and compassion. Live by the Golden Rule. Help others. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean, cruel or insensitive to other’s feelings. Be charitable.
Is a good citizen:

Citizenship – Play by the rules. Obey laws. Do your share. Respect authority. Stay informed. Vote. Protect your neighbors and community. Pay your taxes. Be charitable and altruistic. Help your community or school by volunteering service. Protect the environment. Conserve natural resources.
According to experts at CHARACTER COUNTS!, character building is most effective when you regularly see and seize opportunities to …

Strengthen awareness of moral obligations and the moral significance of choices (ethical consciousness).

Enhance the desire to do the right thing (ethical commitment).

Improve the ability to foresee potential consequences, devise options and implement principled choices (ethical competency).

When trying to instill morals and values to your child, experts at CHARACTER COUNTS! say it is important to …

Be consistent – The moral messages you send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything you say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence, either reinforces or undermines the credibility of your messages about the importance of good character. Over and over, use the specific language of the core virtues – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – and be as firm and consistent as you can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed or under pressure you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.

Be concrete – Messages about good attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct and specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking; it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on and discuss things their friends and teachers have done in terms of the “Six Pillars of Character.”

Be creative – Effective character development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child in real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad examples from television, movies and the news.

References
The Josephson Institute of Ethics
CHARACTER COUNTS!
Center for the 4th and 5th R’s
“Turn It In” Plagiarism Prevention Program
National Education Association

Sue Scheff featured in Florida SunSentinel

'Wit's End' book offers advice to help out-of-control teens

By Liz Doup South Florida Sun-Sentinel

October 8, 2008

A decade ago, when her 14-year-old daughter spiraled out of control, Sue Scheff didn't know where to turn.

As a result, the Weston mom sent Ashlyn to a residential program that harmed rather than helped, she says. It was a drastic move after her daughter had temporarily run away and threatened violence.

In hindsight, Scheff wishes she had looked more closely at schools and asked more questions. To help parents avoid her mistakes, she started researching programs that offer professional treatment in a residential setting. She put what she learned in the recently published book, Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen (Health Communications Inc.; $14.95). She also created Parents' Universal Resource Experts Inc. (helpyourteens.com).

Read the entire article here: http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/sfl-1008-troubled-teens-help,0,3889948.story

Sue Scheff: Following the Rules

By Lisa Medoff

Nina posted some questions about her 10-year-old daughter lying about eating and drinking in the bedroom and watching TV with the door closed. Nina wants to how she can tell if her daughter is deliberately lying or simply forgetful, as her daughter was a micro-preemie, and Nina is worried that her premature birth has affected her behavior and memory.

Nina is also wondering about the best way to encourage her daughter to tell the truth about her behavior. Her husband feels that their daughter plays both of her parents against each other, and he punishes her by saying that he is not going to take her anywhere for the summer; she won’t be allowed to go bike riding or have other interesting adventures. Nina wants to know if these are apt punishments for her daughter’s behavior.

Unfortunately for parents, there is no absolute, surefire way to determine if your child is deliberately lying or has simply forgotten the rules. Therefore, instead of spending your time trying to figure out if your daughter is lying, shift your focus to trying to help her remember the rules.

Tell your daughter, “I can see that it has been hard for you to remember our rules about not eating in the bedroom and watching TV with the door closed. Let’s see if we can figure out a way to help you remember.”

Try different ways to help her with her memory, such as having her write sticky notes with the rules and posting them near the TV, or making poster collages with pictures of food that is crossed out.


Any extra practice with memory tricks will be helpful for children who have experienced developmental difficulties.

Tell her that even though it may be hard for her to remember, she will still need to learn the consequences for breaking the rules.

Discuss what those consequences will be and follow through on them every time. She needs to see that the end result is the same, whether she lies or forgets, and you won’t have to waste time or energy trying to figure out if she is lying.

Be on the lookout for times when she does remember the rules. Give lots of positive attention, such as saying, “I noticed that you finished your snack in the kitchen before you went in to watch television. You must feel good about remembering to follow the rules. I’m really proud of you.”


Make a behavior chart to keep track of days where she was able to follow the rules.
Think of rewards that she can earn after a week or a month of good days.

In terms of the consequences, discipline works better if it is specific, immediate, is appropriate for the situation, and allows the child to make up for breaking the rules.
For example, a consequence of eating where she is not supposed to could be having to clean and vacuum the area.


Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/magazine/column/entry/Following_the_Rules/

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Tips for When Your Child Starts Dating

Source: OneToughJob

Your Child's Behavior at 12 -15 years old

As your child moves from childhood into the teenage years, she will encounter many social and cultural challenges. It is an exciting time and yet a scary time for your child. As she moves more toward independence, she will be convinced she knows everything, you know nothing and you were literally born yesterday. In fact, at this time, she needs you more than ever. By knowing what to expect at this stage of your child's life, you are better equipped to interact effectively with her. By communicating clearly with your child and listening to what she has to say and the emotions she is expressing, you can help your child through this stage.

Tips for Dating

1.Talk with your child about what she hopes for from dating and from relationships.
2.Let her know your concerns and hopes for her as she goes out on dates.
3.Know who your child is hanging out with and dating.
4.Talk with the parents of those kids.
5.Set clear rules about who can be with her in your home when there are no adults present.
6.Teach manners and how to be respectful of others.
7.Let your child know she can always call home if she is uncomfortable or feels worried.
8.Tell your child to have fun—dating should be fun.

SUE SCHEFF: ADHD Awareness Week

This is a great website and informational resource for parents with ADD/ADHD students - being an educated parent helps you to help your child! As a parent with an ADHD child, I have learned so much here.
Happy ADHD Awareness Week!

As you know, this week is all about spreading attention-deficit truth and support. So, to that end, ADDitude has created a new ADHD Information Center that we hope people will use all year to…

Dispel common myths about ADHD
Fight ADHD stigmas
Explain the facts about ADHD
Find support from other ADHD adults and parents
Revel in all the great things about ADHD

We hope you will share our ADHD Information Center with your readers during this ADHD Awareness Week, and also pass along the following personal diary entry from author, ADHD spokesman and ADDitude contributor Jonathan Mooney:

“Cheers, fellow ADDers! Be proud of the gifts ADD affords you: a gusto for life, a capacity to dream large, the ability to set goals — and the energy to meet them. In being comfortable with yourself, you can change how the world perceives ADD and recognizes its strengths.

This September, recount your successes and what makes you stand out from the crowd—like the time you put your mind to it and ran an eight-minute-mile marathon or completed the Sunday crossword puzzle before your second cup of coffee.

Have a sense of humor about your ADD: Toast yourself at dinner for not having misplaced your keys in the morning or for having remembered to take your debit card out of the ATM. Let yourself—and others—laugh to take the pressure off of being perfect.

By celebrating your small feats, you will be able to tackle bigger challenges. Even a simple change in language can transform your self-esteem and others’ perception of your accomplishments. Use “and” more than “but.”
For example, I could say, “I finished this article, but it was three weeks late.” That statement discounts my accomplishment, as if the final product were flawed. I prefer, “I finished this article, and it was three weeks late.” The second statement is equally true, and it doesn’t diminish all of the work I put into it. Next time, I can say, “I will be on time!”

Use this month—this year, every year—to share your pride over the gifts you have. The world’s appreciation of ADD depends on your feeling good about yourself, so tell your friends, family—even the bagger at your local grocery store—all about your condition, especially if they know little about it.”
To read the remainder of this article, “Smile - It’s ADHD Awareness Month!” visit http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/4000.html

Best,

http://www.additudemag.com/

Sue Scheff: Teen Runaways

Teen Runaways are on the increase. Many teens think that the grass is greener on the other side.

They are confused and following the crowd of peers making poor choices. Teens want to escape the "rules of a household" and we as parents, become their number one enemy. They feel that they are fearless and can prove they can survive without their parents and our rules. Rules are put in place for a reason; we love our children and want them to grow up with dignity and respect we try to instill in them. Their flight plan, in some ways, is a cry for attention. Many times runaways are back home shortly, however there are other situations that can be more serious. This is not to say any child that runs away is not serious, but when this becomes a habit and is their way of rebelling, a parent needs to intervene.

So many times we hear how "their friend’s parents" allow a much later curfew or are more lenient, and you are the worst parents in the world. This is very common and the parent feels helpless, hopeless and alone. It is all part of the manipulation the teens put us through. With their unappreciative thoughts of us, they will turn to this destructive behavior, which, at times, results in them leaving the home.

Some teens go to a friend's house or relative they believe they can trust and make up stories about their home life. This is very common, a parent has to suffer the pain and humiliation that it causes to compound it with the need to get your child help that they need. If you fear your child is at risk of running, the lines of communication have to be open. We understand this can be difficult, however if possible needs to be approached in a positive manner. Teen help starts with communication.

If you feel this has escalated to where you cannot control them, it may be time for placement and possibly having your child escorted. Please know that the escorts (transports) are all licensed and very well trained in removing children from their home into safe programs. These escorts are also trained counselors that will talk to your child all the way, and your child will end his/her trip with a new friend and a better understanding of why their parents had to resort to this measure.

Helpful Hint if you child has runaway and you are using all your local resources – offer a cash reward to their friends privately, of course promising their anonymity and hopefully someone will know your child’s whereabouts.

Having a teen runaway is very frightening and it can bring you to your wits end. Try to remain positive and hopeful and do all you can to help understand why your child is acting out this way. These are times when parents need to seek help for themselves. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to others. We are all about parents helping parents.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com and www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff presents: Becoming a part of your government and getting your teen involved

America may be the world’s most powerful democracy, but even the strongest democratic government only succeeds because of the participation of its citizens. However, the voting participation percentages of Americans are some of the worst in the world for major modern democracies. Due to this alarming fact, one of the most pressing responsibilities of good citizens is participation in the democratic process.

If you wish to become a productive citizen, Democratic participation does not end with simply voting, one must influence others to participate as well. There are many ways to get fellow community members out to the polls to vote. Luckily, the act of voting is one of the best ways to get others to vote. Leading by action is an important tool for good citizens, because we all know actions speak much louder than words.

You can also put an “I voted” sticker on your car or even offer to drive someone to a polling place to promote community voting participation. Simply sharing your knowledge about candidates, as well as times or places to vote will influence greater participation in those around you. Use this poll locator to find polling places around your area and be sure to share that knowledge.

An extremely important part of the democratic system is manning the polling places themselves. The importance of this job is extremely underrated and overlooked, but its Democratic necessity is undeniable. The poll workers help maintain the ability for everyone to have an honest and fair place to vote, which is the basic foundation of our political process. Anyone can volunteer to work at a polling place and be a part of the American political system. Working at a polling place puts you on the front lines of the government system, allowing you to become the gate keeper to American Democracy. Working at a local polling area is a classic example of productive citizenship.

Another classic and positive good citizen practice is writing letters to your regional congressional representative when you feel import issues require their attention. Often people have problems in their community but do nothing, when even one letter sent to a state or regional representative can solve the problem or at least bring attention to your community needs. A good citizen becomes a spokesperson for their community, and when problems arise they can lead the charge to solve them. Writing these letters shows other people that you are taking an active role in the government process, and this action is what good citizens stand for.
City council meetings are another great way to become involved in your community. Any member of the community can attend these meetings and have their voice heard by the local government. You can go and say whatever you want and the local government must to listen to your words.

One very simple and small key to good democratic citizenship may at first seem insignificant, but actually provides the foundation for all future political processes. When at dinner, bring up political issues and facilitate family discussions on important political matters. This will get your kids thinking about politics, so they may be more likely to talk about it a school, which will spread this idea of civic thought to other kids. Putting your family in an active and citizenship oriented mindset creates important building blocks to good citizenship because you are ensuring the growth of healthy democratic thought and deliberation to younger generations. Passing political knowledge and good citizen habits down to your children ensures that your legacy as a good citizen continues well into the future.

Learn More - Click Here.

The Ballad of the Adopted Child by Jeanne Droullard

DOES your teen,

- always seem angry?
- have anger that turns into rage?
- show signs of depression, i.e., withdrawal, slipping grades?
- show disrespect to you or disrespect people in authority?
- self-protect by keeping people at a distance?
- lie, manipulate and steal?
- ever talk about his/her biological parents?
- want to find his/her biological parents?

DO you,

- feel comfortable about your teen's behavior?
- recognize signs of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)?
- believe you must be adopted to show signs of RAD?
- understand what is meant by the Primal Wound?
- think it makes a difference at what age a child is adopted?
- understand bonding and how it can be disrupted?
- understand the fear and pain of an adoptee?
- understand adoptee' difficulty in trusting and showing love


It can be difficult to know if your adopted teen's anger is normal and within the range of typical teenage behavior. Most teenagers get angry, especially during the years when their bodies are changing and the hormones can bring quick and severe mood swings. All teenagers are searching the world trying to find out who they are and what they want to become. They all want to know how the world will affect them and how they will affect the world.

If not addressed as a child, an adopted teenager has a duality of conflicts to overcome. Whether adopted as a baby or as an older child, this teenager has had a separation from the birth mother and this is a strong link that is not forgotten. Nancy Verrier calls this the Primal Wound. In the womb, Psychologists now agree that the child is very aware of the mother, how she smells, how she laughs and feels, even how she sounds. The baby has been inside the womb for nine months. This baby even realizes if it was a wanted pregnancy or an unwanted pregnancy - this baby knows. It also has an awareness of the physical, mental and emotional connection with the mother. Bonding begins before physical birth and possibly shortly after conception. Many professionals used to laugh at this idea and thought it impossible for a little baby to know and remember being separated from its birth mother. Alas, the tide has changed and the professionals now believe that this child couldn't help but know the separation from the birth mom that carried it - and this is the primal wound that stays with that child forever.

Read entire article here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/adoption/index.html

High School Transition by Connect with Kids

“(My sons are) scared and you’re nervous and you want to fit in. And hopefully they’ll come home and talk about it. And I know Kyle was worried about getting beaten up…and that’s the first time he’s mentioned that.”

– Carrie Bickwit, mother

Kyle and grant have spent the summer playing,

But now high school is just a few days away.

“As it gets closer it gets more… it hits me more that it’s that close,” says Kyle, 13.

“I’m a little nervous about all the homework,” admits twin brother Grant, “Everyone’s saying about how it’s going to be twice as much as middle school.”

Kyle worries about fitting in…

“I’m kind of shy,” he says, “And if you’re in with people you don’t really know, you’re afraid you’ll make a mistake and that’ll ruin you.”

Psychologist Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., says there are plenty of kids who share Kyle and Grant’s concerns. “I hear a lot of headaches and stomach aches this time of year, because they are so anxious about going to school,” she says.

To help a child gear up academically, experts recommend a little extra reading the last several days before school begins.

“We’re actually doing a pre-reading book report and right now it’s taking a while ‘cause it’s summer and my brain’s off,” says Grant.

For a child worried about fitting in…experts suggest find a friend with an older son or daughter who’s been through it all…

“To tell them that this is going to be short lived,” says Dr. McGarrah, “This is going to be somewhat painful but it’s something you adjust to pretty quickly.”

Next, as soon as school starts, join a club, or activity- any small group where you can make friends.

“In a big school it’s even more important, because you really can feel lost in the crowd.”

Finally, whatever their fears or anxieties…

“I think it’s important to reassure them,” says Dr. McGarrah, “To tell them first of all that all kids feel that way. Even the kid that you look at as the most successful, attractive kid is probably feeling that way.”

Tips for Parents

Ninth grade is a time of great change in many students’ lives. They are either the “big men on campus” or else they are on the bottom of the totem pole. As the debate rages on as to whether ninth graders should be in middle or high school, experts have developed advantages and disadvantages to keeping ninth graders in the same school with the sixth, seventh and eight grades.

Advantages:

Ninth graders can have a leadership role that they would not enjoy in a senior high school setting.
The difference in age between age 14 (ninth grade) and age 18 (twelfth grade) is so great that it can be difficult for some ninth graders to adjust.
Some ninth graders are too young and immature to be placed with senior high school students.
The four-year stay in one school facilitates better relationships for students, staff and parents than a shorter stay.
Disadvantages:

Ninth graders are more like tenth, eleventh and twelfth graders because most have gone through puberty.

Separating ninth graders from tenth, eleventh and twelfth graders limits curriculum and extracurricular offerings for them.

The younger children, especially the sixth graders, may want to imitate the ninth graders and grow up too fast.

Ninth graders will experience a variety of new skills and milestones. It is always good for parents to have some idea of what their student is going through, and the following list should help.

Intellectual Skills – Higher expectations coincide with his/her own increasing abilities. He/she will have interests that span farther and wider than ever, in addition to a greater awareness and curiosity about the world around him/her. An example of your teenager’s expanding intellect is his/her newfound skill of deductive reasoning.

Social Skills – Your adolescent is becoming less egocentric in his/her views, and that gives a greater ability to compromise, to stay composed when he/she's in disagreement with someone and to be generally more tolerant and even-tempered. His/her view of the world will settle first on the friends he/she has around him/her.

Emotional changes – While your ninth-grader is less self-conscious than he/she has been in the past couple of years, he/she is most likely still uncertain about how he/she measures up. Physical appearance matters greatly to him/her, as well as how they're developing.

Challenges – Your student will encounter many challenges throughout the ninth grade year, and the most common ones are academic failure, eating too much or too little, struggling with abstinence versus teenage sex and adjusting to a bigger school.

References
U.S. Department of Education
Family Education Network
Parent Soup
Partnership for a Drug Free America

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) INHALANT ABUSE - Parents Need to Learn More About It

Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are easily accessible, legal, everyday products. When used as intended, these products have a useful purpose in our lives and enhance the quality of life, but when intentionally misused, they can be deadly. Inhalant Abuse is a lesser recognized form of substance abuse, but it is no less dangerous. Inhalants are addictive and are considered to be "gateway" drugs because children often progress from inhalants to illegal drug and alcohol abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that one in five American teens have used Inhalants to get high.

Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing, dusting or bagging and generally occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is when a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers, plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the product directly. With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individual's head, cutting off the supply of oxygen.

Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. All of these methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under-reporting is still a problem.

What Products Can be Abused?

There are more than a 1,400 products which are potentially dangerous when inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air conditioning coolant, gasoline, propane, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue. Most are common products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close as the local convenience store. The best advice for consumers is to read the labels before using a product to ensure the proper method is observed. It is also recommended that parents discuss the product labels with their children at age-appropriate times. The following list represents categories of products that are commonly abused.

Visit www.inhalant.org for more information.

Michael Phelps Mom on How to Raise an ADHD Superstar

Source: www.ADDitudeMag.com

Meet the mothers of three ADHD super-achievers — an Olympic record-breaker, a TV heavyweight, and a world-class adventurer — and learn how they helped their kids beat the odds.

What does it take to succeed despite attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD)? It takes hard work, for starters — a willingness to meet challenges head-on. It takes support from family members, teachers, therapists, and coaches. And, of course, it’s hard to overstate the benefits of ADHD medication.

But, of all the ingredients needed to make a happy, successful life, nothing is more important than good parenting. Behind almost every ADHD success story is a devoted parent (or two). In honor of mothers, let’s give credit where credit is due.The three mothers profiled here helped their sons and daughters achieve great things — more than they could have imagined. Steadfast and resourceful, they saw strength where others saw weakness, and kept looking for ways to help their children after others were ready to give up. Let their stories inspire you!

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1998.html

Sue Scheff - Are you considering Residential Therapy for your Teen?

Are you considering any of the following programs for your child?

Take a moment to read my experiences - http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ as well as my book where you can hear my daughter's experiences for the first time - order today at http://www.witsendbook.com/ .

Choosing a program is not only a huge emotional decision, it is a major financial decision - do your homework! Learn from my mistakes - Gain from my knowledge!

Academy of Ivy Ridge, NY (withdrew their affiliation with WWASPS)
Canyon View Park, MT
Camas Ranch, MT
Carolina Springs Academy, SC
Cross Creek Programs, UT (Cross Creek Center and Cross Creek Manor)
Darrington Academy, GA
Help My Teen, UT (Adolescent Services Adolescent Placement) Promotes and markets these programs.
Gulf Coast Academy, MS
Horizon Academy, NV
Lisa Irvin (Helpmyteen)
Lifelines Family Services, UT (Promotes and markets these programs) Jane Hawley
Majestic Ranch, UT
Midwest Academy, IA (Brian Viafanua, formerly the Director of Paradise Cove as shown on Primetime, is the current Director here)
Parent Teen Guide (Promotes and markets these programs)
Pillars of Hope, Costa Rica
Pine View Christian Academy (Borders FL, AL, MS)
Reality Trek, UT
Red River Academy, LA (Borders TX)
Royal Gorge Academy, CO
Sky View Academy, NV
Spring Creek Lodge, MT
Teen Help, UT (Promotes and markets these programs)
Teens In Crisis
Tranquility Bay, Jamaica
There is a rumor a new program in Mexico is opening - parents need to be aware of this.

There are good programs - take your time to do your research - for helpful hints in finding safe alternatives visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Teen Truancy

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate "excused" absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school's handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.

Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student's education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent's self-esteem.

INTERNET LAW - Bullying and Cyber-Bullying Prohibited under Florida Law

Bullying and, in particular, cyber-bullying is becoming a frequent practice among the American youth. Incidents are reaching such daunting results that state legislatures are rapidly adopting measures. For instance, Florida Legislature adopted an anti-bullying, including cyber-bullying, law on April 2008. The law is called "Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act" (Fla. Stat. section 1006.147), named after Jeffrey Johnston, a 15-year-old boy who committed suicide after being the object of bullying, including Internet bullying, for two years. This new Florida law prohibits bullying and harassment of any public K-12 student or employee, and requires public schools to adopt measures to protect students and employees from the physical and psychological effects of bullying and harassment.


The Florida Senate, quoting to a report by SafeYouth.org, stated that "bullying behavior can involve direct attacks, such as hitting, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing or taunting, name-calling, making sexual remarks, and stealing or damaging belongings, or more subtle, indirect attacks such as spreading rumors or encouraging others to reject or exclude someone." It also stated that bullies are four times more likely than non-bullies to be convicted of a crime by age 24, with 60% of bullies having at least one criminal conviction.

Thus, this Florida law is considered a safety measure for schools and the Florida community. Section 1006.147, titled "Bullying and Harassment Prohibited," proscribes bullying and harassment in Florida's K-12 public educational institutions; in any educational program or activity conducted by an educational institution; or through the use of data or software accessed by a computer, computer system, or computer network of a K-12 public educational institution. Hence, using the school e-mail network, even while at home, to bully or harass other students is prohibited by this Florida law. The law expressly defines "bullying" as the act of systematically or chronologically inflicting physical harm or emotional distress on a student. The law also provides examples of conducts that may result in bullying:

1. Teasing;
2. Social exclusion;
3. Threat;
4. Intimidation;
5. Stalking;
6. Physical violence;
7. Theft;
8. Sexual or racial harassment;
9. Public humiliation; or
10. Destruction of property.

Harassment is defined as any verbal, written, or physical conduct that threatens, insults, or dehumanizes public school students or employees. Written harassment includes those committed through electronic means and the use of computer software. The conduct must be sufficient to place the student or employee in reasonable fear of harm against him or his property; and sufficient to interfere with the student"s school performance, opportunities, or benefits. The Florida anti-bullying law also penalizes those who induce or coerce others to bully or harass public school students or employees. Students, parents, volunteers, or employees that promptly and in good faith report bullying acts will be exempted from civil cause of actions against them.

The Florida anti-bullying law also mandates each school district to adopt a code of conduct against bullying and harassment by December 1, 2008. This code of conduct must protect all students regardless of their status under the law but the school districts are authorized to create student categories when drafting their school policies. In any event, the code of conduct must include a general prohibition of bullying and harassment; a definition of these terms; an expected student conduct and behavior; description of the consequences of falsely and wrongfully accusing others of bullying and harassment; the procedures for reporting bullying and harassment incidents, including anonymous reports; a procedure for the prompt investigation of these acts; a procedure to determine whether the acts are within the district school system; a procedure to notify parents and criminal authorities; a procedure to refer victims to counseling; among others.

The Florida Department of Education affords an additional protection for victims of bullying and harassment by, first, monitoring district school activities, including transportation, through permanent collection of data (24 hours a day, 7 days a week); and second, enhancing the School Environmental Safety Incident Reporting System (SESIR). This program allows district schools to report bullying activities and conducts an annual database management workshop.

The Florida anti-bullying and harassment law is definitely well received and the first intent to control youth behavior, including Internet behavior. Yet, questions arise as to the consequences incurred when violating this law. It is not clear under the text of this law whether its violation merely includes school disciplinary actions or whether subsequent criminal actions will be sought. This is an important question whose answer is yet to come.

Law and sociology have been close partners for centuries; another important question is where are the parents parenting? A sociological answer to this question might take us to the genesis of most bullying and harassment problems which is essential for state legislatures and school officials.

Sue Scheff: More Teens are Getting Plastic Surgery

By Connect with Kids

“I could not stand to look in the mirror one more day looking at me the way I was. I just couldn’t do it.”

– Ashleigh Giglio, 18 years old

The body changes … the teasing. Our insecurity with our own bodies begins in puberty and can continue throughout life. How should parents respond when teenagers say they hate the way they look?

Ashleigh, 18, recently had plastic surgery on her nose to correct a bump caused by a childhood injury. “After she had it done she’s been a different person,” says her mom, Ridley Giglio. “She’s happy. She’s happy all the time.”

Like Ashleigh, many kids grow up disappointed with the way they look.

In 2007, 11.7 million Americans had cosmetic surgery. More than 200,000 were just teens.

But is cosmetic surgery a good option for younger teenagers? Experts say probably not, unless the anxiety is extreme. “The time that parents really need start getting concerned is when these concerns that a teenager has actually gets in the way of them doing things,” says child psychiatrist Shannon Croft. “They don’t want to go to school because somebody is going to notice how they look. They start avoiding social situations, party’s friends they normally would go to,” he says.

Most of the time, concerns about appearance are normal, and dissipate over time, Croft says. “Usually as people get older they get more comfortable with how they look and their body, and a lot of these concerns will diminish on their own.”

Ashleigh’s younger sister Angela wants cosmetic surgery, too. But her mother has decided that at age 14 she is too young. “Angela, that would be something when she’s older, evaluate it then. I just think right now, she’s got the family nose. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Ridley Giglio says.

Tips for Parents

For most children, adolescence is time of introspection and self-evaluation. Virtually every facet of their lives is put under a microscope as they try to determine where and how they “fit in’ with their family, their peers, and the world at large. Typically, part of this self-evaluation process is focused upon physical appearance. Unfortunately for some teens, the nature of their evaluation tends to be hypercritical, and not very well based in reality. For example, a teenager may become convinced that her nose is too big, her breasts are too small, his teeth are crooked, her hips are too big, and other common misconceptions. Regardless of whether the perceived flaws are real or imagined, the emotional upset and pain experienced by these teens is very real and very painful to them.

How can parents help their teens deal with body image misperceptions? Dr. Rex Forehand, a psychologist specializing in child and adolescent issues, suggests that parents consider the following ideas in helping their children deal with their negative feelings.

Listen and respond when your child talks about negative perceptions of her or himself.
Don't just "wave it off". The negative perception may not be true, but it is important to your child.

Talk and respond with empathy but don't dwell on the negative perception (don't bring it up).
If the negative perception is false, reassure your child. If there is some truth to the negative perception (your child does have ears that stick out, acne, etc.), "counter argue" by presenting the positives of your child.

Work on building your child's self-esteem by:
limiting negative feedback to your child;
praising his efforts and positive behavior;
spending quality time with your child;
accepting your child by communicating love and affection;
teaching your child to use positive self-talk. That is, encourage your child to say positive things about him or herself whenever they do something positive. Parents can do this through modeling by complimenting themselves whenever they do something positive, and by complimenting their child by using phrases such as "you should be so proud of yourself for..."

References
American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery
Grady Healthcare Systems

Don't Be Cyber Bullied!

By Love Our Children USA

Cyber Bullying is social terror by technology ... and it’s on the rise.When a kid of any age, up to 18 is threatened, humiliated, harassed, or humiliated via use of technology --- this is Cyber Bullying. It’s harmful and it’s dangerous!

This social online terror is used through e-mail, cell phones, pager text messages, instant messaging, Web sites, online personal polling Web sites. It is done by kids deliberately and repeatedly and is used by an individual or group with the intention of harming other kids and teens.

It’s cool to use technology to talk to your friends and make new ones. While most kids use the Internet responsibly, others are using all of this technology to terrorize and Cyberbully!Cyber Bullying is the perfect way for bullies to remain anonymous.Cyber Bullying makes it easier for bullies because they are not face to face with their victim(s.)

Read Entire Article here: http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/kidsteens_cyberbullying.php

Sue Scheff: Daily Routines for Kids

Take the nagging out of parenting!

Find it hard to “Get out the door” on time in the morning? Want to end those
bedtime battles? Want your kids to be more independent?

On·Task On·Time for Kids takes the nagging out of parenting. Designed by a mom
of triplets plus one, this unique time management system supplies 52 full-color task
stickers to organize three routines: Morning (getting ready for school), Afternoon
(transitioning from school to home activities), and Evening (getting ready for bed).
Individualized routines are put together by parents and children to fit their life style.

Daily routines are created by applying task stickers to a Routine Disk. The Routine
Disk is inserted onto the On·Task Timer Unit and the child sees what tasks should
be completed, what tasks should be done now, and what tasks are coming up next.

Parents don’t need to remind or nag. The words, “Oops, I forgot!” are a thing of
the past. Turn normally stressful, transition times into self-esteem building
experiences. A reward chart is included to acknowledge success and independence.
On·Task On·Time for Kids is designed for children between the ages of five and
twelve, and is available with girl or boy illustrations.


Visit www.timelymatters.com for more information. I recently was made aware of this informational website.

Sue Scheff: What is Inhalant Abuse?

Inhaled chemicals are rapidly absorbed through the lungs into the bloodstream
and quickly distributed to the brain and other organs. Within minutes, the user
experiences intoxication, with symptoms similar to those produced by drinking
alcohol. With Inhalants, however, intoxication lasts only a few minutes, so some
users prolong the “high” by continuing to inhale repeatedly.


Short-term effects include:

headaches, muscle weakness, abdominal pain, severe
mood swings and violent behavior, belligerence, slurred speech, numbness and
tingling of the hands and feet, nausea, hearing loss, visual disturbances, limb
spasms, fatigue, lack of coordination, apathy, impaired judgment, dizziness,
lethargy, depressed reflexes, stupor, and loss of consciousness.
The Inhalant user will initially feel slightly stimulated and, after successive
inhalations, will feel less inhibited and less in control. Hallucinations may
occur and the user can lose consciousness. Worse, he or she, may even die.
Please see Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome below.


Long-term Inhalant users generally suffer from:

weight loss, muscle weakness,
disorientation, inattentiveness, lack of coordination, irritability and depression.
Different Inhalants produce different harmful effects, and regular abuse of these
substances can result in serious harm to vital organs. Serious, but potentially
reversible, effects include liver and kidney damage. Harmful irreversible effects
include: hearing loss, limb spasms, bone marrow and central nervous system
(including brain) damage.


Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome:

Children can die the first time, or any time, they try an Inhalant. This is
known as Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome. While it can occur with many
types of Inhalants, it is particularly associated with the abuse of air conditioning
coolant, butane, propane, and the chemicals in some aerosol products. Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome is usually associated with cardiac arrest. The Inhalant causes the heart to beat rapidly and erratically, resulting in cardiac arrest.

www.inhalant.org

www.helpyourteens.com

Web Friends Over Real Friends by Connect with Kids

“All of these kinds of social worlds helps develop their ability to interact with people, and particularly, to do things like post a comment that might be a little controversial for example, and see what kind of reactions they get.”

– Larry Rosen, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology

Like many teens, Matt has tons of friends online. “My buddy list is full. It over 200 people in there. And it’s just all these people that have the same interests as me that I would have never met, if I just, you know, that don’t go to my school. They’re just around the country.”

According to a recent online survey, one in four kids say their internet friendships are equally or more important than friends met in person.

“Yeah, I mean, like. Cause of the internet, I’ve, you know, that’s where I found my social group, and I really kinda found out about myself,” agrees Matt.

But are these relationships healthy?

Experts say, on one hand, they give kids an opportunity to try out different personalities without consequence. “Kids are struggling to find out who they are. And who they are is in a lot of dimensions,” explains Professor of Psychology, Dr. Larry Rosen. “Who they are personally, what their skills are, but mostly it’s who they are in a social context, and that’s why these online social worlds like MySpace, all of these kinds of social worlds helps develop their ability to interact with people, and particularly, to do things like post a comment that might be a little controversial for example, and see what kind of reactions they get.”

But, on the other hand, Rosen says, like most things in life moderation is key.

“Because being in the virtual world, being in front of a screen all day is not sufficient for good teenage socialization. You need to have a combination of a screen life, and a real life,” he explains. “And so a good parent will make some sort of boundaries that say okay, you can have screen time, but after a certain amount of screen time you have to have some real outdoor time. Or some real communication time. And you can’t talk on the phone, it has to be face to face. You have to come talk to me, you have to go outside and hang out with some friends – you have to do something that’s in the real world.”

Tips for Parents
Most adults have an Internet-usage history that dates back no more than ten to fifteen years. But those growing up since the emergence of the Internet potentially could have their entire lives documented online. New parents can post online baby books for under $15 annually. Images once stored on a bookshelf at Grandma’s house can be available to the world without password protection. With Bunk1, the same can be said for memories of summer camp.

It is increasingly common for teens to have their own website. Many of these sites have a “blog”, where the owner can post running thoughts on a daily basis. Although some sites, like MySpace.com and LiveJournal.com, require users to be registered, membership is free and easy to obtain. If your child has a blog, encourage them to protect their blog so that can be read only by the friends and family they approve. Consider the following …

Only 10 percent of families posting their baby’s photos have the site protected with a password.
Many employers and colleges will enter a prospective applicant’s name in an Internet search engine to research their web presence.
Remind your child that not only friends and strangers, but also his or her parents, will be reading the blog.
Regularly monitor your child’s blog and immediately discuss any uncomfortable or inappropriate posts with your child.
It is very important to discuss various aspects of safety with your child, including the Internet and availability of information. Cite modern advances that have changed the world within the child’s lifetime and memory. Explain to your child that while your embarrassing photos and writings might be stored in a closet, an attic or even at Grandma’s home, the electronic versions your child might have will be much more accessible to anyone interested. Also, keep the following in mind:

If you do opt to post family photos online, be sure to place the images on a secure, password-protected site.
Search for names on an Internet search engine with your child to show him/her the possible places his/her information could be found.
Show your child how far e-mails, especially jokes and chain messages, can travel.
Monitor your child’s web usage and posts. An online diary usually does not have the same rights to privacy as a bound, handwritten journal because the online version is accessible to members of the public outside your home.
Know what posts, if any, you are able to delete from your child’s blog.
References
A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety
Pew Internet and American Life Project
Kids Help Phone

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Depression and Drugs

Why do they start? What Should I Look For?

A major factor in drug use is peer pressure. Even teens who think they're above the influence of peer pressure can often find it hard to refuse trying drugs when they believe their popularity is at stake. Teens may feel that taking drugs or alcohol to fit in is safer than becoming a perceived social exile, and may not realize that their friends will not abandon them simply for refusing a joint or bottle of beer. A popular adage that is thrown around regarding peer pressure says if your friends would abandon you for not accepting an illegal substance, they're not "real" friends- but try telling this to a teenager. A more effective method is to acknowledge the pressure to fit in and work with your teen to find solutions to these problems before they arise. Suggest that your teen offer to be the designated driver at parties, and work with them to develop a strategy for other situations.

Even agreeing to back your teen up on a carefully crafted story can help enforce your bond with them- giving them the okay to tell their friends to blame you or that you give them random drug tests will go a long way. Knowing they have your support in such a sensitive subject can alleviate many of their fears, and knowing they can trust you helps instill the idea they can come to you with other problems. This is also an excellent time to remind them to never allow friends to drive under the influence and to never get into a car with someone under the influence. Reassure your teenager that if they should give in to peer pressure and become intoxicated or high, or if they have no sober ride home though they are sober themselves that it is always okay to call you for a ride home. Some parents may want to consider getting teens a cell phone for emergency use, or giving them an emergency credit card for cab fare.

Depression is another major factor in drug use. For more in depth information on teenage depression, please visit Sue Scheff™'s Teen Depression Resource. Despite the fact that many substances actually make depression worse, teenagers may be lured in by the initial high, which in theory is only replenished by more drugs. Thus begins the vicious cycle that becomes nearly impossible to break without costly rehabilitation. If you notice your teen is acting differently, it may be time to have a talk with them to address these changes. Remember- do not accuse your teen or criticize them. Drug use is a serious cry for help, and making them feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teen is abusing drugs and alcohol are:

Violent outbursts, disrespectful behavior
Poor or dropping grades
Unexplained weight loss or gain
Skin abrasions, track marks
Missing curfew, running away, truancy
Bloodshot eyes, distinct "skunky" odor on clothing and skin
Missing jewelry money
New friends
Depression, apathy, withdrawal
Reckless behavior

Sue Scheff: Tracking School Progress for Children with Learning Disabilties

By ADDitude Magazine

Why parents should check in with teachers half-way through the school year and adjust their parenting skills to ensure academic and social success.

Is your learning-disabled child getting along with his teachers and his classmates? Is she developing strong friendships? Enjoying her after-school activities?

No matter how your son or daughter is faring, winter break is a perfect time to take stock — and to think about parenting strategies that will make the second half of the school year even more rewarding and productive than the first.

Here are a few points to consider:

Teacher communication
Finding out whom your child spends time with will give you a better idea of her social and academic progress. Ask the teacher whom your child eats lunch with, if she raises her hand to ask questions, if he’s keeping his desk neat.

Don’t hesitate to share your concerns as soon as they arise. Some teachers are happy to receive calls or e-mail from parents. Others prefer to send notes back and forth in children’s folders. However you communicate, let the teacher know how much you appreciate her help and insight.

Family time
Spending time with parents and siblings is essential for reinforcing social skills—exercising self-control, sharing, expressing feelings, reacting to failure, and so on. It also gives parents an opportunity to give kids positive feedback about good behavior.

Extracurricular activities
Soccer on Wednesdays, karate on Fridays, Scouts on Saturdays...sound familiar? Extracurricular activities are a fun way for kids to learn key social skills, such as taking turns and sharing. But children, like grownups, need some unstructured time to rest and regroup.

One young patient of mine was signed up for a different after-school activity each day of the week. By the time Friday rolled around, she was exhausted. She talked it over with her parents and decided to drop everything but drama and art—her favorite activities. She became happier and more agreeable—and so did the rest of the family.

Think about which activities make sense for your child. Some ADHD kids have trouble with sports that require close teamwork and intense concentration, like soccer or basketball. Such kids might fare better with swimming, tennis, or another individual sport.

Weekend fun
Excessive down time can also be troublesome. Long stretches on Saturday and Sunday can turn into “hot spots” for kids who are accustomed to the school day’s structure. Taking a trip to the movies or a museum—or simply enjoying a favorite DVD at home—can go a long way toward keeping a child on track over the weekend. Of course, it’s also important that your child has friends to play with. It used to be easy to scare up a play date on short notice. These days, parents and kids alike are so booked up that it pays to plan days, or even weeks, in advance.

Positive attitude
Give some thought to what you need, as well. A vacation for just you and your spouse? A babysitter who’s “on call” one night a week? An occasional massage or a new outfit might help. Parents who take care of their own needs find it easier to take care of their child’s.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Political Teens

By Connect with Kids

“When parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves -- this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among their children,”

– Dr. Alan Abramowitz, Political Science Professor, Emory University

Nineteen-year-old Will Kelly is pounding the pavement, knocking on doors and talking to voters.

Seventeen-year-old Amelia Hartley is answering phones, making copies and filing news clips.

She is a die-hard Democrat, and he is a faithful Republican. Both teenagers have a passion for politics and for getting involved.

“To be honest,” Will says of his volunteer work, “because I care about what’s going on and it troubles me to see how so many people become apathetic with what they do have in this country – that we take so much for granted.”

“At 17, I can’t vote yet, I don’t pay taxes, but within a year I’m going to have to know enough about leaders – not only national, but local and state – to be able to say who I want running things,” says Amelia of her involvement.

According to the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, young voters are turning up in record numbers this presidential election.

One reason, experts say, their parents.

“There has been quite a bit of research that shows that when parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves, when they take their kids to vote with them, that all this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among the children,” says Dr. Alan Abramowitz, a political science professor at Emory University.

It is a level of interest, Dr. Abramowitz adds, that persists over time. “Even many years later, those who were raised in families that were politically active and where the parents talked about politics remain more active themselves.”

Amelia and Will say they’ve been invigorated by the hard work of politics. And, in fact, it’s sparked an interest.

“Is there a future in politics for me?” Will ponders. “Well that’s a question I seem to ask myself a lot. We’ll have to see.”

“There are a lot of career paths I’m considering,” says Amelia, “and politics is definitely one of them.”

Tips for Parents

The polls are showing teens are lining up in record numbers to have their say in this year’s election. Consider these statistics from a recent poll by Time Magazine, among 18-29 year olds:

70% said they are paying attention to the race
53% said Barack Obama was the candidate best described as ‘inspirational’
83% said this election will have a great impact on the country
A majority (54%) say the US was wrong to go to war in Iraq
80% of young people rate the economic conditions in this country as only fair or poor
Nearly three-quarters of the respondents said they feel the country is headed down the wrong track
Affordable health care (62%), the Iraq War (59%), and being able to find a stable, good paying job (58%) are the top issues a majority of young people worry about the most.
More than 6.5 million young people under the age of 30 participated in the 2008 primaries and caucuses. In fact, Obama’s margin of victory in Iowa came almost entirely from voters under 25 years old. In New Hampshire, his edge among young voters was 3 to 1; in Nevada, it was 2 to 1; and in Michigan, nearly 50,000 under-30s voted "Uncommitted" because Clinton's name was the only one on the ballot.

The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, getting kids involved in a civics or government class is a great way to get them more interested in the elections. From the 2006 Civic and Political Health of the Nation Report, young people who report that they recently choose to take a civics or government class are more likely than other young people to say that:

they helped solve a community problem,
they can make a difference in their community,
they have volunteered recently,
they trust other people and the government,
they have made consumer decisions for ethical or political reasons,
they believe in the importance of voting, and
they are registered to vote.
Parents are also one of the greatest influences on young voters.

Start with the basics. Make sure your 18-year-old knows when and where to vote.
Getting your 18-year-old to the polls could pay big dividends. People who have been motivated to vote once are more likely to become repeat voters.
Acquire and fill out voter registration forms with your teen. If your teen meets age requirements, you should each fill out a voter registration form.
If your teen meets age requirements on Election Day, go to your polling place together to cast your ballots.

If your teen doesn’t meet age requirements for the 2008 election, but will turn 18 before the 2012 election, involve them in the current election as preparation for the next election.
Consider taking teens between 14 and 17 to the polling place with you. Even if they are not permitted inside for security reasons, the visit will demystify the voting process.

Remind your child that the November election is the result of many local primaries and that Americans are able to vote for their national, state and local leaders.

Kids who are not old enough to vote can still have an impact on elections. Encourage kids to get involved in the political process. They can go door-to-door in support of candidates or help with fundraising efforts.

It can seem daunting to research candidates, because information on the different races is not centralized in one place. Parents can share news articles with their kids. The key is to engage students with issues they will find relevant to their lives.

References
Time Magazine
The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement